How surviving narcissistic people makes you the most incredible and powerful person to ever

If you reading this youve probably been a victim of narcissistic personality types...

* Beware LONG article ahead so grab a cuppa and take time to read this through!*

Yes that right, If you suffered or are suffering from a narcissistic ex who you have children with, parent(s) or even a boss, you know better than anybody the mental torture and suffering they inflict on us, who are the victims of their screwed view of reality. We are their punch bags who they wish to inflict their feelings of low self-esteem and fragile self. However, they make us so strong, much stronger than they will ever be.

And if you’re thinking am I really someone who understands what you’ve been or going through? Do I really know what it is like? Yes, I am and let me give a bit of my past, starting with this week alone->

I had my younger sister stay with me as our children are on half term for Halloween, my sister hasn’t spoken to my mother for 2 years, my brother hasn’t in 4 years and I didn’t for 2 years but started speaking to her again the start of this year. Why did I? Because I wanted to talk about some important things with her, I am still trying to help her by trying to get her to see her ways in order for her to get the help she needs, because I love her ( although I’ve been trying 30 years and still no progression, but what can I say, I’m not a quitter ha-ha!) and to see if I had finally recovered, I have indeed, her ways just roll off me like a ball down a hill. However, she always like to remind me of what a Bi*ch she can be!

My mother wanted to see my children (she’s only allowed to if I am present) I said I can’t as my younger sister and her children are staying over this week. My mother then demanded I passed over abusive messages she had text me for my sister, to which I refused and stated 'no I won’t be doing that'

My mother then text me abusive messages for two days telling me that I have no backbone, I’m a f**king B*tch, I am weak, My partner is not good enough for me, I am a half wit and so forth, I just responded with 'Ok Mum' ' which made it worse and really you should NOT respond to these type of messages but I wanted to make a point that I was reading them and didn’t care'. My last text message was that I loved her and if she wanted help to express her emotions in the correct way, I can give her details of my therapist. to which she told me to F*ck OFF! I didn’t react to that and that’s the key, to narcissism, you never react because they want that, you reacting in any way, crying or shouting, is what they thrive off. Best to be quite and walk away if you can (although a point to make if you are experiencing physical abuse you seek help no matter how old you are because if they lose their temper to much with you, death could be a real possibility)

Anyway, My mother did say sorry twice , oh sorry not really! She made it seem she had said sorry but the first time she said 'I’m sorry but I was upset you don’t know what it’s like to not see my other grandchildren' , I said, ' that’s no excuse to speak to me the way you did, please don’t you ever do that again' then she said 'enjoy being with my grandchildren' to which I said ' I will enjoy being with my niece and nephew thank you'.

The next day she said she was sorry and it was no excuse however she is so let down by all of us ( her children) she wants time away from me, to which I’m happy about , but again this is not really an apology , it her basically coping my previous message from the day before and still trying to punish me by saying she not seeing me because I’ve let her down? and all of this is caused because I wouldn’t do what she wanted, to pass my sister her abusive messages. I can’t tell my mum that I understand why my siblings don’t see her because she does not listen, only she can be the victim, everyone else is wrong. So, I always state I’m not getting involved.

And I had this everyday growing up, and extreme violence. It started when I was 3 years old, My mother smashed my face into the floor and broke my nose because she had a migraine and I couldn’t turn off the tumble dryer, that one time she never got found out, she carried on until I was 22 but clever by only hitting me on my head until she was tired and stopped when I was in secondary school, which then turned to verbal abuse, controlling me and me becoming a push over who really didn’t see what my mum was doing to me, we’ll all of us. When I moved out 22 that’s the first time, I was free, when I started realising who I was, what the outside world was like, I felt like I had been in prison all my life and just got let out.

My brother didn’t really get abuse but a lot of control because he was her adored child, and me and my sister got the abuse, well my sister is 7 years younger than me and to be honest I see her as my daughter. I always protected them, I probably got it the worse, any negative emotions she was feeling was my fault, any attempts to control me she would, in everything, I was just like my father, her common line she would say to me, it was like she punished me for my father leaving her before I was born. I used to always think about killing myself in my childhood, but I kept fighting because deep down I knew I wasn’t the problem, because other mothers weren’t like this, my friend’s mums, my female school teachers, they showed me empathy and support.

Oh, and there’s more to my story, my biological father was never in my life, mum said he didn’t want to know, he said she wouldn’t let him be involved, but they are both lying. I tried to get to know him at the age of 22, but at age 28 after my 2nd child and my partner was away for work, my dad started staying over. We connected over my mother’s narcissistic ways, and we bounded. I was also suffering bad depression that I’ve never had so bad before. My real father who literally lost his home (it sunk. . it was a boat, a rubbish boat) and my other half siblings moved out and he had free time.

Oh I was so blind, never did I think my father would ALSO be a narcissist! But yes, I am that unlucky. It started off slow and discreet, now he’s not the shouting , violent type like my mother, he is very very intelligent and clever how he does it. But I did spot it, it started off with little put downs, then being funny if I said I wasn’t free this weekend or had to answer a call to my partner who was away. He wanted my attention, had even moan if he was in my home and I was on my phone or go into rampant ranges about the patriarchy and how men are awful and he isn’t one of them , and how I should buy vegan food ( which I love but cannot afford it where I live) ,started to act like everything I was doing I was being manipulative, such as if I didn’t reply to a text he send an abusive text to me rather than realising I’m probably dealing with my children, as I was at the time on my own. It got worse and worse then turned into constant arguments, and abusive messages to me. After trying hard to get him to see his ways, like I do with my mother, it didn’t work, he really is blind to his flaws, and everything would be, yet again my fault, I have mental health issues that’s making me paranoid, my mother is controlling me ( I wasn’t in any contact with her at the time) saying that things he said he didn’t say, you know the score you know how it is. I’ve Not see him or really spoke to him in nearly a year, and to be honest I have no interest in knowing him, 1 parent like this is enough!

This past week alone I got this lovely email from my father dearest, one of many like this, this one isn’t as bad as others have been –

If You choose Rudeness, ignorance and lies as a way of dealing with me, you will one day have to tell us all why.

I now find myself in a position where I will have to tell the rest of your family why we never see you , I will show them my e-mails so they know how hard I have tried to get you to stop being nasty to me and my family , they all ask about you and the children.

You choose one guy over me and my family then you are clearly an absolute fool.

If you feel like fessing up at any point ring me

If I had raised you would not be rude ignorant or a liar, those behaviours are not acceptable to me.

This is an actual email, I like to mention that I have no issue with the rest of my family on my father’s side, communication has been quite from them but I know my dad is the reason behind this, he likes to make out my issue is with the whole family but it’s not, it’s just him but him being the way he is, Crnt face that.

My mother does then same, ' me and your grandmother don’t understand why' they feel they need back up and because they manipulate those close to them in their lives. My siblings are all in their early 20s and living their lives and I don’t really know them well enough. I’ve never lied about anything; I haven’t been nasty I just won’t tolerate being spoken to disrespectfully and controlled. He seems to have jealousy with my partner also, so does my mother ' you shouldn’t be with your partner anyway'. I’ve always been honest why I don’t want to contact him, because I cannot get him to see what he’s doing, he drains me and I have tried thousands of times,

the last line of this email makes me laugh - >

'if I had raised you you would not be rude ignorant or a liar , those behaviours are not acceptable to me'.

As you can see his traits are done in a more discreet way but still abusive. This isn’t half as bad as things he has sent me before, such about my mental health, things are all in my head -. I started to believe it until I showed my amazing therapist all the messages from him to me and me to him, that I had confirmation I wasn’t the problem. My instinct was right,

no one has to know anyone that doesn’t make them comfortable, And in the case with my father I have made this clear several times. however, I do have problems because my father’s side doesn’t know me well, so I feel even if I said to them I felt our father was a narcissist, I doubt they would believe me.

I’ve also had Friends and work colleagues like this in the past, because especially if you are brought up with a narcissist parent and not really anyone else in the family to go to, or basically you don’t know any different,  you end up attracting people like this to you because its familiar to you, and because your self-esteem and self has been crippled, and you groomed in a way to accept these behaviours.

The turning point for me was at 24 years old - I was living nearly two years with my boyfriend at the time, sharing a bedroom with his landlord, I was at university and thinking he felt the same as me. I spent all my time with him, and basically doing all the work when he had his son over. This is a long story Il go into another time but,  It ended with me finding out I was pregnant January 2014, to which he screamed in my face it was my fault I was pregnant and if I didn’t have an abortion he would kick me out and have nothing to do with me. He said it was because we didn’t have money, (because he spent it all on drugs as I found out later on). I booked the abortion, and had a 2-week waiting, those two weeks was the nicest he had been to me in a long time. We went to the clinic, and I was to take two tablets. however, I didn’t, I hid them under my tongue and spat them out in the bathroom. I must for had some reaction because I was violently sick.

He didn’t know I didn’t do it, that evening his true colours came out, he treated me like a dog but not like usual, he treated me like I was a piece of dog sh*t. Next day he said it was over, next day he said he didn’t mean it. Then he dumped me via text on valentines day, oh after he made sure I transferred him the last 100 pound I had in my bank account, 2 days later I found a secret Facebook ( thanks to his friend telling me) where he was messaging loads of women, no surprise I knew for a while he was sleeping with other people. And I never saw him for a year after, he tried to come back many times but always acted like our son never existed, but he was happy to try and f*ck me or use me when he had nothing. I even had to do a DNA test because he was telling everyone basically, I was the abusive one and I was cheating. I made him do it on the condition I wouldn’t ask for child support, this way he can never use the old ' I didn’t know if you was mine' to my son when he’s older.

His whole family have never seen my son and never bothered. Probably due to his lies, or maybe they are actually helping me and actually letting me live my life. He still sees his other son, just not mine. The guy I meet was 100% different, he created a person that didn’t exist to get me, I was in my prime, starting uni, a fresh slate, looking hot as hell, and as the time he rolled out his lies and true self emerged, and thus led to end of our relationship.

I personally think he realised I saw him for what he really was, the person his friends and siblings don’t see and that scared him, and because I become a shell of my former self, I had no personality I literally shut down. And I think he knew he had no control of me anymore. I ended up on my mother’s sofa my whole pregnancy and barely any money to feed myself, I worked all hours and did my degree at the same time, it was so hard but it was all worth it in my end to get my boy. My son saved me life, If it was for him coming into this world I would never of seek therapy and medication to learn about myself and understand how these people have affected me.

Now I have a great life, everything I could want with two beautiful children and so many people who love me, I’m not being controlled and I am 95% healed from my past, there’s the odd wound that comes up due to my mental health but it’s all managed, I have to manage it just like someone with type 1 diabetes but it worth it because I love who I am.

Anyway, without going on and on, I wanted to share my experiences to then explain why I feel how people that have suffered at the hands of narcissism become amazing, incredible, powerful people.

If your reading this then your interested in the good of surviving these types of people and not just the negatives they left us with.

So here’s why you are powerful ->

You have handled extreme stress, chaos, fear, anger, rages, lack of empathy, lack of real love, lack of caring, humiliation, mental torture, selfish, self-centred attitude, controlling, need for admiration and entitlement behaviour, its utter hell, especially if you had a parent with NPD ( narcissist personality disorder).

Apparently, these individuals with NPD developed these symptoms because of a bad childhood, or being too spoilt, genetics, to be honest they don’t really know.

I was brought up by my mother’s mum and she was the best mother ever, in fact both my parents had both loving parents so I really have no idea? and my uncles on each side are fine? so who knows but usually it is because something happened to them when they was young and they internalised these emotions that they were not good enough.

Regardless people with NPD are the hardest people to deal with because they honestly don’t see there doing anything wrong. If you can deal with all of that and still be here today, or your living with someone with NPD you are a god dam hero!

you learn to become Vigilant and intuitive,

you learn to be strong and carry on despite how you are made to feel.

you can handle a great amount of negative emotions, and if you survive from a  narcissist, and dealt with any issues you have or had , I assure you, you come out the other end so powerful, no one will ever control or tell you what to do with your life.

You learn that putting your needs is just as important than others. that you must follow your desires and wants also.

you become so emotionally strong you can literally handle anything and I mean anything.

you create the life you want because you learn the drive to survive and to carry on to your advantage.

you make people around you happy and comfortable, and are supportive because you know how damaging it is to not be.

you learn to master your emotions, but also acknowledge if you’re feeling or acting in a way that is right and you take RESPONSBILTY for your actions, which is what adults are meant to do!

you are happy with everything and grateful, even if you are poor or tired, you don’t care because what you have now is better than the hell you come from. And gratitude is everything in this world.

you learn important life lessons, such as actions really do speak louder than words, that it takes a long time to truly know someone, and you should take your time.

you learn to go with your gut instinct, if it doesn’t feel right do not, and I mean you do not carry on. Do not be someone’s doormat,

you learn things that people don’t in their lifetimes, you have a vast amount of wisdom, probably from a young age.

If you make sure you have the right support and care, take after your mental health as there is a possibility you may have lifelong mental illness from your experiences, but if this is managed, and it can take time ( too me most of my 20s) you will come out an incredible, strong and powerful individual.

Just remember to treat everyone with respect, don’t speak bad of anyone and do good, and you will manifest everything you need,

Don’t be a victim, be a survivor and live the life you want and share your wisdom to help others. Share this knowledge to all those around you, family, friends, your children, your grandchildren to help others not go through what you have. That will help the narcissist individuals not find other victims. And if you can help anyone with narcissism, I wish you all the luck in the world, because that truly is the most challenging task of them all.

love and light

soulcoast

XxX

P.S please feel free to email me about anything regarding this blog post or visit my shop of a Pyschic reading for further gudience if you are in a simular situation!

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